I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.
Greg, age 8
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.
The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men more.
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.
Girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury, and make boneless things get hard.
I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Let’s celebrate Christ’s birthday this year by ignoring the fact that he would have celebrated Hanukkah.
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
In my house I’m the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.