Funny Quotes

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

Ellen DeGenerous

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Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

see more Funny, Men, Others, Women

Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.

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Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.

Greg, age 8

see more Activities, Baseball/Softball, Funny, Love, Others

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

Dave Barry

see more Activities, Baseball/Softball, Famous, Funny, Others

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

Kin Hubbard

see more Books, Funny, General, Others, Weather

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men more.

Colleen McCullough

see more Aging, Books, Funny, General, Others

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.

see more Famous, Funny, General, Insults, Others, Woody Allen

Girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury, and make boneless things get hard.

see more Funny, Others, Women

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

Spring rains = worm holocaust.

Michael Ian Black

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Springtime

Let’s celebrate Christ’s birthday this year by ignoring the fact that he would have celebrated Hanukkah.


see more Christmas, Funny, Holiday, Others

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

In my house I’m the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.

see more Famous, Funny, Love, Marriage, Others, Woody Allen

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