Funny Quotes

Marriage? That’s for life! It’s like cement!

see more Famous, Funny, Love, Marriage, Others, Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

 

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself, but I didn’t.

Woody Allen

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

see more Conceited, Funny, Others, Personal

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I’m talking about.

see more Death, Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said “no.”

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

see more Famous, Funny, Naughty, Others, Woody Allen

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

see more Famous, Funny, Others, Woody Allen

I broke up with my boyfriend because of religious reasons; he thought he was God and I didn’t.

see more Break Up, Funny, Love, Others

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