Funny Quotes
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.
If I woke up from a coma and Channing Tatum told me he was my husband, I wouldn’t question it.
D
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He was full of pep. Must’ve had his grande-latte enema.
Narrator
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Now, a question of etiquette – as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
Tyler
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Simba: Will you cut that out?
Rafiki: Can’t cut it out. It’ll grow right back!
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Zazu: [about Scar] There’s one in every family, sire. Two in mine, actually. And they always manage to ruin special occasions.
Mufasa: What am I going to do with him?
Zazu: He’d make a very handsome throw rug.
Mufasa: [Surprised] Zazu!
Zazu: And just think, whenever he gets dirty, you can take him out and beat him.
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Zazu: Checking in with the morning report.
Mufasa: Fire away.
Zazu: Well, the buzz from the bees is that the leopards are in a bit of a spot. And the baboons are going ape over this. Of course, the giraffes are acting like they’re above it all. The tick birds are pecking on the elephants. I told the elephants to forget it, but they can’t. The cheetahs are hard up, but I always say, cheetahs never prosper.
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Timon: Gee. He looks blue.
Pumbaa: I’d say brownish-gold.
Timon: No, no, no. I mean he’s depressed.
Pumbaa: Oh.
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Pumbaa: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don’t wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh, what are they?
Timon: They’re fireflies. Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything’s gas.
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Pumbaa: It’s like my buddy Timon always says: you got to put your behind in your past.
Timon: No, no no. Amateur. Sit down before you hurt yourself. It’s, “You got to put your past behind you.”
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Pumbaa: It’s our motto.
Young Simba: What’s a motto?
Timon: Nothing. What’s a motto with you?
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Lady, have you got your lions crossed!
Timon
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Andy: I can’t tell… if it’s an “A sharp” or if it’s a “B flat”!
Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we’ll all “B flat!”
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