Funny Quotes
I finally found a girl exactly like my mother. Acts like, dresses like her. So I brought her home. My father doesn’t like her! Go figure!
Stan
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I can be your dad. Actually, I probably am.
I Can Do Anything by 3OH!3 Lyric
There is nothing more annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.
Mark Twain
I’ve used up all of my sick days so I’m calling in dead.
Girls’ Poker Night by Jill A. Davis
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I mean, even if he did call, what the f*ck did he want me to say? “It’s okay that you jerked me around and treated me like sh*t. Now that I’ve received this enormous bouquet of seasonal flowers I am beginning to see you in a different light. Suddenly the past is growing hazy. All the hateful things you did and said have grown distant and hard to recall. So if you want to come by for some coffee or a drink at your convenience I would love to say hello and give you a blowjob!”
It’s My Fucking Birthday by Merrill Markoe