Never cry over spilt milk. It could’ve been whiskey.
Write your first draft with your heart. Re-write with your head.
The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
Don’t wanna leave but we both know sometimes it’s better to go. Somehow I know we’ll meet again. I’m not quite sure where and I don’t know just when. You’re in my heart until then.
The Muppets Take Manhattan
I confused my feelings with the truth.
When There Was Me and You by High School Musical Lyric
Hey, you created me. I didn’t create some loser alter ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!
I can’t get married – I’m a thirty-year-old boy.
I don’t know my dad. I mean, I know him, but he left when I was like six years old. Married this other woman, had some other kids. He, like, did this every six years; he goes to a new city and starts a new family.
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I’d never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.
I flipped through catalogs and wondered, what kind of dining set defines me as a person?
I had it all, even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of… wherever.
Tyler: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, He hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn’t?
Tyler: We don’t need Him!
God d*mn! We just had a near-life experience, fellas.
Tyler: You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breathe.
Tyler: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you’re taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It’s all right here. Emergency water landing – 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That’s, um… That’s an interesting theory.
He was full of pep. Must’ve had his grande-latte enema.