Funny Quotes
Stef: Data, where are you going?
Data: I’m setting booty traps.
Stef: You mean booby traps?
Data: THAT’S WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! God. These Guys!
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God! Look at that thing! You would’ve gone straight to the bottom.
[Rose shows Jack her engagement ring]
Jack
Male Passenger: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…
Jack: You want to walk a little faster through that valley there?
Oh, come on, ladies. God wouldn’t have given you maracas if He didn’t want you to shake ’em.
Penny
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Ahoy, and other nautical expressions!
Dodo
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Better read it first, for if one drinks much from a bottle marked “Poison,” it’s almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.
Alice
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I have an excellent idea: let’s change the subject!
March Hare
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Caterpillar: Recite.
Alice: Oh. Yes sir. How doth the little bumblebee improve each…
Caterpillar: Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.
Alice: Well, I must say, I’ve never heard it that way before.
Caterpillar: I know. I have improoooved it.
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Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder what you’re at. Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky.
Dormouse
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March Hare: Why don’t you start at the beginning?
Mad Hatter: Yes, and when you reach the end, stop.
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Jim: Did you see ‘The Little Mermaid’ on TV yesterday? Ariel, she’s so hot!
Oz: She’s a mermaid, dude.
Jim: Yeah, but not when she’s on land, Oz.
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Oz: [On being sensitive to women] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and sh*t.
Stifler: I don’t know, man. That…sounds like a lot of work!
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Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents.
Gene Perret
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Just put your pickle on everybody’s plate, college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me.
Johnny
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I want you to know that if it wasn’t for this man I would be standing here dead.
Max
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