Funny Quotes
Marriage? That’s for life! It’s like cement!
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself, but I didn’t.
Woody Allen
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I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.
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After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I’m talking about.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said “no.”
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Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.
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I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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94.5% of all statistics are made up.
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I broke up with my boyfriend because of religious reasons; he thought he was God and I didn’t.