She’s not gonna have sex before she’s married… especially with you.

You know what sexy means? It means you’re ready to have sex.

That’s different. That was in the 80s. Everyone was all coked out and disco dancing back then. No one really knew what they were doing.

Oh, that’s right. I’m a Christian. First I will smite you, then I will pummel you.

People are talking about my woman.

I don’t want to know about any other guy who’s been in your life. I don’t think I can take it.

Do you still have a thing for Ricky Ticky Rum Pum Pum Pum?

You’re the person I tell all my secrets to, and you’re the person I love.

What’s up? … Besides you.

We like to think that when we do the wrong thing or make a bad decision, it only affects us, and that obviously isn’t true.

Well, you’re my whore.

Who would want to have sex with dad if they didn’t have to?

There are no secrets in high school.

Everyone has their own versions of the truth, and no one tells the truth all the time.

There’s only one truth, and no matter what story you tell, there’s the truth and there’s lies.

You can decide that, you know, to not care what people think.

You can’t truly be in love with someone else until you learn to love yourself.

Life is tough, and that’s why it’s good to have someone you love by your side, holding your hand, so you can walk away from the rest of the world together.

It’s a virgin force field that cannot be penetrated!

You are a crazy Christian and you should go back to therapy.

You can only help what kind of person you are.

You don’t know what’s best for anyone. You don’t even know what’s best for you.

The test of friendship is whether or not you hate the same people.

I’m too old to be adopted, and you’re too pretty to be in prison.

You are not capable of loving someone else until and unless you love yourself.

Unfortunately, we’re in for a lifetime of hurt.

You can’t re-wrap the gift. It’s been given.

Until and unless I’m living in your stomach, leave my health up to me.

When you treat a privilege as though it’s a right, you lose the privilege.

I know when a guy is cheating on me.

I know when a man is cheating on me, and I know who he’s cheating with, and it’s not you.

There are things you can’t really unsee.

The flip side of fear is excitement, so let’s get excited.

But a name is a serious thing. He’s gonna be stuck with it his whole life, and now is not the time for me to be coming up with some name. I’m busy here.

How do we even know I have a birth canal?

Crazy is the love a mother has for her daughter.

Sometimes nature sucks.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend before.

You may not be a big guy, but you’ve got a big heart.