People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono... uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it's, um, it's really beyond words. It's really incalculcable.

This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Pam: [during a role-playing exercise; to Dwight, who's supposed to be Asian] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue and that I do not agree with, you would maybe... not be a very good driver.

Dwight: Aw, man! Am I a woman?

This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.

I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is "ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run, a lion eats me and I'm dead!". Well I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead!

Jim: Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And well, if this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me...I am better at hiding than they are at vision.

It's a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.

Oscar: [who is of Mexican descent] I can play basketball if you need any help.

Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.

I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate... no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it... Nike.

I think in order to be a ladies’ man, it’s imperative that people don’t know you’re a ladies’ man. So I kind of play that close to the chest. I don’t know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think…other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face.

The purse-girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Michael: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.

Dwight: Sex.

Michael: That’s illegal. Can’t do that. Next best thing.

Dwight: Torture.