Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be a hundred. But I read this article which said Social Security is supposed to run out by the year 2025, which means people are gonna have to stay in their jobs until they're 80. So I don't wanna commit to anything too soon.

You know what I like about rich kids? [punches Luke] Nothing.

Sandy: The minute you were born, I knew that I would never take another easy breath again without knowing that you were safe.
Seth: So, I'm like asthma?

Still hasn't called you back? He was in lockup. Maybe he's into dudes now.

It turns out that I'm quite skilled at getting a date, provided it's not for me.

Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know, because it stays there. That's why we must go!

Anna: Oh, so insulting him counts as conversation?
Seth: Oh, well. If it doesn't, we've never spoken.

Sailing is, like, so not the fastest way to get anywhere.

Oh, I get it. I'm just here for the comic relief.

Ryan: Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds.
Seth: Sometimes I do.

Seth: Do you know what I dream about when I dream about Thanksgiving, which is a lot? I dream that I eat so much deliciousness that all the blood rushes to my stomach and I pass out right at the table. Please do not deny me that.
Ryan: Whoa, now that's just weird.

New year's resolution: punch people less.

Kirsten: She looks good. Her spirits are high.
Caleb: She's high?
Kirsten: No, her spirit. Her mood. She's up.
Caleb: So, she's on uppers?

You think you can mess up so bad, we'll give up on you? You can't.

Okay, listen. Summer, it's not like now that me and Anna broke up I'm now choosing you. Okay? Because the whole reason that we broke up is because for me it's always been you, Summer. It's always been you. I've tried to fight it and I've tried to deny it. And I can't do it. I can't. You're undeniable.

Seth: How was Pittsburgh?
Anna: It was good to be home.
Seth: Yeah. Pittsburgh's also the home of Andy Warhol, Mr. Rogers and ketchup. You can't compete with that.

My Jew-fro is frizzing out. I look like Screech.

Maybe they're not having sex. Maybe they just go to a motel to spoon and watch Charlie Rose.

Mom, Hailey made three different kinds of pancakes and waffles. They're deliciously redundant.

How can you live like this? Your t-shirts are touching your sweaters.

Summer: Mostly we talk about me.
Seth: You?
Summer: Yeah, you know. It's like our common interest.

Do I force a confrontation or do I just continue to be whiny and passive-aggressive until she realizes what a catch I am?

Just one little stripper... who never hurt anyone... Who's just trying to make his way in the world... naked.

Julie: Oh, classy choice, Jimmy, although it's pretty obvious that you're with her because you can't be with Kirsten. You know, I think in psychology that's called transference.
Jimmy: Oh, and you marrying Caleb, I think in psychology that's called shameless gold-digging.