Might I say you rate a perfect 10 on my niftiness meter?

Will: (to Jazz) What kind of poem is that?
Jazz: I'm starvin'. When do we eat here?
Philip: We eat here later. You eat here never.
Jazz: Looks like you eat here often.

Well, I'm not about to sell myself short just so you can look good. So just grow up.

Phil: How would you feel if I came into your room and suddenly started throwing chalk around?
Will: I'd be devastated. (said in a deadpan manner)

Cartwell: I was under the assumption...
Coach: Ah. You made an assumption. Now, you should never make an assumption, because you'll be an 'ass' and the 'ump' will 'shun' you.

Carlton: Hey, Hilary. Did Dad mention me during the game?
Hilary: Yeah, he did say "Shut up, that's my kid you're talking about!"

Vivian: Hilary, your father and I just want you to be all you can be.
Hilary: You want me to join the army?!

Why do you humor this guy? The planet he's on hasn't been discovered yet.

Uncle Phil told him to take his fancy 20 million dollar account, fold it five ways and stick it where Sparky can't find it.

Will: Uncle Phil, I am telling you he kissed her right on the lips.
Carlton: It was more on the cheek dad.
Will: But he was aiming for her lips and he missed. He's aggressive and inaccurate and that's a dangerous combination!